Knots

Some time ago, while speaking with a friend on the phone, I had the idea that we might write to eachother letters, each from the other's perspective: I would mail her a letter, written by me, but as if written by her to me. She would respond with a letter from me back to her...and so we would proceed, ad infinitum (or nauseum, whichever came first)...

The goals were never clearly worked through (nor the pitfalls), but the idea centered on digging into simultaneously how we see ourselves and how we see eachother, crossing multiple viewpoint orders, using writing from the even-orders to reveal the odd:

1. How we see ourselves
2. How the other sees themself
3. How we see the other
4. How the other sees us
5. How we feel the other sees us
6. How the other feels we see them
7. How we feel others feel we see them
8. How others feel we feel that they feel that we see them

We never went ahead with the idea; perhaps it's obvious why.

But I almost wish we had, at least started the process. Because when I found out second hand through a mutual friend that she was dating another old mutual friend (all of us with complex shared histories), a ripple drove through all of my perceptions, pushing the old framework out of shape: anomaly.

We had scheduled a phone date that weekend, but I neither heard from her nor reached her when I called. Today when I heard the news I e-mailed her to let her know I knew, and called: no response.

In the float space, between what you thought and what you will think: probing the odd numbers for answers, the even for questions.